I recently had a lovely couple in my clinic, John and Barb. Well, lovely until John’s ears came under scrutiny. Barb had grown increasingly fed up over the past six months—John had been turning the telly up so loud the neighbours probably thought they were hosting a rock concert, ignoring her shouts (allegedly not on purpose), and generally missing out on life’s smaller sounds—like the kettle boiling or the dog snoring.
So, off they came to me, their friendly ear wax professional, certain that ear wax was the root of the problem.
John took his seat, looking equal parts curious and nervous. I grabbed my trusty otoscope (think of it as a torch for ears) and peered into his left ear. Sure enough, there it was—good old-fashioned “vintage wax.” Dark, dense and determined to stay put, like a squatter refusing eviction.
I moved to his right ear, expecting more of the same. Oh, how wrong I was. This wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill waxy buildup—this ear had gone rogue. John’s ear canal was completely full, but not with wax. No, this was something far worse: cotton wool. Layers of it, fused together with months—possibly years—of wax, forming a compacted, impenetrable fortress. If I’d chiselled away at it for long enough, I’m sure I could’ve found treasure.
I turned to John, took a breath, and asked the obvious questions. “John… Barb… when, how, and why?”
Barb was horrified. John, meanwhile, turned a deep shade of beetroot and sheepishly admitted to his crime—secret cotton bud usage. Now, I know what you’re thinking: cotton buds are everywhere. They look harmless. They feel like the perfect little tool for cleaning your ears. But this, my friends, is where trouble begins.
Let me tell you straight: cotton buds don’t clean your ears—they just push the wax deeper, compacting it like concrete. Worse still, they can damage your ear canal or even the eardrum.
Thankfully, John had come to the right place. Using microsuction, a safe and gentle procedure, I carefully removed the compacted mix of wax and cotton wool from his ear. Microsuction is considered the gold standard for ear wax removal—just a controlled vacuum to safely clear the ear canal without discomfort.
By the end of the session, John could hear clearly again, and the relief on both their faces was palpable. I reassured him that he wasn’t alone in his cotton bud habits but encouraged him—and anyone else reading this—to leave ear wax removal to the professionals.
So, if you find yourself struggling with blocked ears, resist the urge to poke around with cotton buds. Your ears are clever, self-cleaning wonders, but when they need a little extra help, seeing a professional for safe, effective treatment like microsuction is the best decision you can make. John certainly learnt his lesson, and I’m confident Barb will make sure he never forgets it!
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